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Vox Audita Perrit, Literra Scripta Manet....
The heard word is lost, the written letter remains...
The funeral.
Maryke's funeral was originally going to be a very low-key affair out in the country. And I guess it still was in a way, but a lot of people turned up. And why not? I wanted to say 'Look at all these people who cared about you!'.

My father said a few words, as did Maryke's friends Ashley and Maddie. Dad had asked me whether I wanted to say anything, but I couldn't. It was difficult enough addressing the teachers at Stuartholme, let alone my own family and friends. What was said was just perfect, though. Elliott Smith was played while her coffin was being lowered into the ground, and that brought the proceedings to a close. It was a short, no-frills affair. And that's how my sister would have liked it.

The wake, appropriately enough for my sister, was at a pub. I confess that I hate beer (more of a brandy and vodka fan myself), but in honour of Maryke, I had a bottle of Tooheys Extra Dry. I talked to so many people again today. I really am running out of things to say now, and after today, I'm ready to move on with life. Driving away from the cemetery, I felt sad that we were physically leaving my sister behind. But then she is in good company, since our maternal grandparents and great-grandparents are there too.

I rang Rick yesterday and told him the news. He told me that he would explain to Roxanne and pretty much ordered me not to do my assessment this week. I feel a bit bad about that, but then I've barely done any work on putting together a powerpoint presentation. The most I can do tomorrow is maybe put together the critique for the other student and give that to Roxanne to give to him. I feel bad that I can't do it, but we've had a constant stream of visitors and my aunt staying here, and until now I really haven't had a moment to myself besides at this hour.

Regardless though, I plan on going in tomorrow, even if it's just for a couple of hours. I just would really like to talk to Rick, speak to Roxanne and maybe see my friends in the classics department. Tomorrow night I'm going to Stuartholme again, to see the boarding mistress that Maryke and I shared.

From now on, things will get easier.

On a final note though, I'm posting one of my sister's very favourite tv ads, for Tooheys Extra Dry. It's a fairly recent one, but she loved it. Despite being ashamed of liking the Tom Jones song that accompanies it. :)

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful

9 comments or Leave a comment
From: lillibetpip Date: May 16th, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad the funeral went well, Steph. Please remember that you and your family, especially Maryke, are in our prayers.

I confess I'm releived about the assessment - it's probably for the best.
Your friends in the classics department are all really keen to see you, but will understand if you're not up to it. You can always give me a ring either way -- I'm in all day. Much love Steph, Lib.
thecoweyed From: thecoweyed Date: May 16th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Have been on a trip and not tending much to LJ -- but my thoughts are with you and yours. Don't feel obligated to feel better so soon. I know I felt the same way -- dad wouldn't have wanted me to get all derailed on his account. But it's okay to be not alright for as long as you need to be.

That's a wonderful commercial, too. Thanks for sharing it.

ciliandis From: ciliandis Date: May 16th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* I'm glad that everything was the way she would have wanted it - that's a comfort, at least, I'm sure. I'm also happy to see you say that things are going to get easier. I was surprised that you said so, so soon, for a moment, and then I remembered what a strong person you are, and the surprise kind of drifted away.

Also? Even with a broken sound card on my end, that commercial was just amusing as anything. Thanks for sharing it.

Looking forward to hearing from you - I don't think I've ever actually heard your voice, beyond that one sound clip you made for us, one Christmas...
vikingcarrot From: vikingcarrot Date: May 16th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad it went well - or, as well as a funeral can go.

Incidentally, I will be in tomorrow afternoon, studying, probably at the lakes as usual. Please do come and introduce yourself if you should see me. I really would love to meet you.
normandie_m From: normandie_m Date: May 17th, 2007 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I thought about going to class today, but in the end, and on the advice of my lecturer, I didn't. :/ I should be hanging about next week though. I get to St Lucia around midday, so I have about four hours to kill between then and my lecture at 4. But yeah, if I see you at all, I'll come over. And hopefully not distract you too much. :)
kapitankraut From: kapitankraut Date: May 16th, 2007 10:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
*still can't think of the right thing to say, but feels he should say something*
dives From: dives Date: May 16th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad to hear (read?) that the funeral went alright.

I wish I could express myself better, but LJ is such crap at these kinds of things. All I can do is say:
And say that you that you, your sister, and your family are in my prayers.

By the way, that commercial put a huge grin on my face. :-)
praeteritio From: praeteritio Date: May 17th, 2007 07:01 am (UTC) (Link)
I really know what you mean when you say that you're ready to move on. Something I've discovered this week is that grief is something you have little control of until you feel as though you understand the situation around the person's death as well as you can under the circumstances.

I know the rest of your FL may not like me for this, but I hope that in the next few days you get some time to think about your uni work over the next few days.

Thinking of you.
catdraco From: catdraco Date: May 17th, 2007 09:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Grief is a funny thing. We all do it, but we all do it differently. These days I tend to think less about "moving on" and more about "moving through", though perhaps it means the same thing in the end.

I guess the thing I want to say is that feeling ready to move on is a positive thing, and if that's the way you feel it's the right way for you to feel - because with grief, however you feel is right. I have found that with serious grief, it comes and goes. Kind of a two steps forward, one step back thing, only the steps back are never so much backward as sideways... always moving on through, though. As long as you give yourself the freedom to move through it as you need to, you'll do okay.

I remember a turning point for me when my Dad died. It was a strange feeling: broken and fragile, but at the same time strong and fresh. I felt able to take on anything, and ready to move forward, but at the same time I felt as fragile as an egg. I got a tattoo to mark that, because that's something I do: it's just a little blue star, and means nothing visually. I just know what it is, and why I got it, and what it means to me.

I hope you're doing okay. It's a dumb thing to say really, because what's "okay" right now? But I think you'll know what I mean.

I'm glad that her funeral went well. They're such important things. Sometimes they're actually kind of fun: good ones always leave you feeling better afterward than before.
9 comments or Leave a comment