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Returning to Stuartholme. - Vox Audita Perrit, Literra Scripta Manet.... — LiveJournal
The heard word is lost, the written letter remains...
Returning to Stuartholme.
I rang Stuartholme this morning to let them know I was coming, and about what happened to Maryke. I dreaded telling the administration staff about what happened, and over the course of the day, I wondered how the news would be broken to everyone, tried picturing the scenario in my mind.

I went to mass today at the cathedral. I wasn't sure that I could sit through it without crying, and I didn't. What undid me was the gospel, because it was the 'love one another as I have loved you' passage from the gospel of John. Something about it just struck this chord and so I stood there, trying not to lose it completely.

(If I'm discussing my faith a bit more than normal at the moment, I hope you'll excuse me. I don't tend to discuss religion a lot here, but it's been too important a factor in my life for the past few days to leave out any reference to it.)

Maryke's friend Ashley and I came up to the school in the afternoon after classes were finished. Mr Reed organized a small prayer service where there were a few prayers and a reading from Lamentations. I was ok up to a point, but when we walked into the chapel and I saw all Maryke's teachers there, I started crying. I have so many good memories of Stuartholme, and I guess going back there kind of brought forth this flood of memories, and the knowledge that I was coming back in the worst circumstances possible. The teachers came to greet me, and a lot of them were crying as well. I had anticipated that some might be upset, but I could never have guessed the grief that I saw on their faces when I walked in there. Mr Webb in particular, was hit very hard by this. He later said to me that she was, in all his years of teaching, his favourite student.

I spoke a bit about Maryke while I was there, and while it was a terribly difficult situation, I did my best. I think everyone understood what I was saying, anyway. I also had the chance to speak to everyone individually afterwards. Maryke's chemistry teacher Miss Sanderson (I have a feeling that she got married after I left, but I can't for the life of me remember her married name) made me a cup of tea, and I chatted with everyone. It was nice and calming, and I got to remember the happier moments of Maryke's life, particularly at Stuartholme. The teachers told me stories about her that I hadn't heard, and that was a great source of comfort, that there were these all these wonderful memories of her.

The principal Mrs Sinclair and the other chaplain/counsellor Mrs Hardy visited us at home earlier, and we did a lot of talking then as well. Well, I probably listened more. I find that I've talked so much with my parents and Maryke's friends about this, that I'm running out of things to say. So I just listen. They're aware that I've said as much as I can on the subject to them.

My older sister Suzanne and her husband Robert are flying in from Dubai tomorrow, and my sister-in-law will be visiting as well. The funeral's going to be on Wednesday afternoon. Maryke's being laid to rest out in the country in a burial plot where my mother's side of the family are buried. It's going to low-key and discreet, since we all agree that she wouldn't want a fuss made.

I think I'll probably call Rick and Roxanne tomorrow and tell them about this. It's not a matter of me being unprepared to do my presentation and the critique of the other student's work, but more that I think they need to know that I might not be at my best on Thursday. I'm worried that Roxanne will ask me to postpone my talk though, and I don't want that. In any case, I'll discuss it with them and we'll see what happens there.

Again, I appreciate everyone's kind thoughts/words/prayers over the past few days. It's been hugely beneficial to me to read these comments, and I am truly grateful.

Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: Coldplay- Don't Panic

2 comments or Leave a comment
kapitankraut From: kapitankraut Date: May 14th, 2007 11:38 am (UTC) (Link)
You probably know Roxanne better than I do, but my guess would be that she'll leave the decision in your hands in terms of what you do and when. The best teachers are always able to leave important decisions to their students and adjust themselves accordingly, rather than taking the decision for them.
strangemuses From: strangemuses Date: May 14th, 2007 02:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
2 comments or Leave a comment