The history exam was....blergh. Perhaps a little easier than I had expected, but hard nontheless. I pulled through in the end and my nerves were completely unnecessary. I do hate it when Steven's right. -.-;
And now I have English literature to worry over....or lack thereof, because I feel very familiar with what I'm studying. I envy Steven's lack of anxiety in an exam or assignment-wise. He's perfectly cool and calm, even when someone should be tearing their hair out, he's out on his patio with his coffee. I swear he gets away with murder.....but he is smart, in Dad's words.
I was left smarting on Monday after a little challenge to my pride and my faith. I would like to go on the record here after the conversation I had with my parents tonight on matters of faith. Mum and Dad as atheists say they find it natural of me to be questioning what I entered into. I will tell you why I joined the church, Amy. It was for a fairly superficial reason I confess, but Steven says it's a streak of Epicureanism in me that does it: I enjoy ceremony and I enjoy its significance. The lengths we go to show our love for the Lord in His House. You have not yet seen me serving in the Cathedral. The whole mass is like a perfectly chereographed dance.
The music is beautiful. I've never felt so close to God as I do when the Gloria is sung. The beautiful Gloria by Philip Matthias. This crescendo of the organ at the beginning, followed by the swift uprising voices of the choir and congregation. Simply stunning. And you look up while you sing because it is ten in the morning, and the sunlight streams through the stained glass windows bearing the holy images. It's like a blessing.
The reading and procession of the gospel also holds a great deal of beauty to me. The candle bearers turn at exactly the same time, in precision, and follow the priest to the altar, the book of the Gospel held high over his head. The blessing of the incense, meant to represent the prayers of the congregation. The priest's melifluous voice telling us a story from so long ago. These stories have influenced everything. Is it any wonder the Bible is one of the most-read books in the world? Christianity is without a doubt one of the most influential faiths in the world at this time.
It's just....so beautiful. And it is superficial of me. But it is part of what I love about Catholicism. The ceremony. I do believe in the Holy Trinity and Our Lady and the Saints. They are protectors of all faithful. I do disagree with church teachings, and I am entitled to. A contradiction you say, yes? Perhaps. But I am of a younger generation who made a choice. The Catholic church may not be entirely democratic, but I live in a democracy and can say what I wish. I am not the first person to criticize the Catholic faith. There are people who have more issues with the church than I do. The faithful are allowed their views in the eyes of the priests (or at least the ones I know), because if they weren't, it would be a entirely depressing existance and I might even go as far to say events like Vatican II may have never happened.
All that said.....I am a Christian before I'm Catholic. I could have just settled to be just a Christian, but I converted at a very low point in my life and I needed to belong to a particular faith, flaws or no flaws. It's helped me a great deal and doubtless I would not be who I am today without it.
And that is all I will say on the matter.
Anyway, it's late. Granted, I'm probably not doing much tomorrow (aside from a tentative foray into the city in the afternoon), but I'm weary from lack of sleep the previous night due to study.